Your face is a jimmy john
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
