The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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