obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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