ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
