I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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