I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's like iHOP with fire
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
