My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
