Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
