no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
