dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
