don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
