I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
