tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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