Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
