I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
