Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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