mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
