We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
