The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
