Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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