I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
