I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
