Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
