have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
