youre lurking in front of me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will be naked everywhere
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
