so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
