We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
