Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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