I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
