I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
