Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
