so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We are two peas in an std pod
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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