she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
