Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
