My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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