my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
