I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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