He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
