I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
