my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
