It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
