I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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