just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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