Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
