At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
