even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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