I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
