Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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