we have pet lesbian snakes
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
please come you make the beer taste better
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
