I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
