Porn is love you can see.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
