Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
