My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
