So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
