in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
